Pregnancy is FRIGHTENING!!

Recently the internet has nearly completely scared me away from the idea of ever ever getting pregnant or giving birth.

Ever wondered how on God’s green earth a human baby can fit into a body when it’s already completely filed with organs? Have a look at this horrifying gif:

Good lord, where have the intestines gone? The stomach is turned ninety degrees! The bladder is squished paper thin! Even your heart, diaphragm, lungs and sternum get nudged. I’m sorry but this is terribly unnerving. It does not look good or natural or in any way positive.

This gif also doesn’t show some of the other common damage caused by pregnancy. Your skin around that ridiculous abdomen? Destroyed. Your back? Strained to high heaven due to your center of gravity now being shifted to the thirty pound mass sticking out of you. Your feet? Twice their size. Hormones? Entropy is thy name. Your body will never be shaped the way it was before you got pregnant.

I hear that by the end of the pregnancy, women feel like that baby can’t come soon enough. They just want the horrors of pregnancy to be over. But guess what. Birth and post partum SOUNDS EVEN WORSE.

The terrors of post-partum life were brought to my attention recently in this post on ScaryMommy.com. I’ll give you the summary. The post refers to how beautiful the Duchess of Cambridge looked upon exiting the hospital with her brand new born daughter. I mean… look at this woman:

Anyone of course should be impressed with her stunning looks so soon after giving birth, but once I read the Scary Mommy blog post I was frankly… disgusted. Here are some things Kate had just gone through and was still going through when these photos were taken:

  • First pee: the author says the first pee “burns like a thousand suns” and you are crying. Yup sounds about right
  • First poop: apparently much, much worse than the first pee. Quotes include “writhing in pain” and “cursing [her] husband”.
  • A month’s worth of constant vaginal bleeding far more severe than any period you’ve ever had in your life
    • From these three points I think we can conclude that the lower part of one’s body is essentially decimated by the birth process.
  • Other slightly less traumatizing side effects include
    • Incredibly painful breasts that become hard and “spray” (not even a more gentle verb like ‘leak’ or ‘secrete’!) lactation
    • Elephant-sized feet and hands

In conclusion, pregnancy and birth appear to be a process of voluntarily causing very very serious injury to your body both internally and externally. Mercifully, one can make a full recovery from this but I am not at all surprised that death in childbirth was hugely common in the past and is still a real concern today.

So how would I or any woman ever subject themselves to this process after reading these things? Of course the obvious answer is it’s the only way to get a biological child of you and your partner without using a surrogate which is A) too expensive for the average couple to use and B) requires you putting the life of your growing embryo literally into the body of another woman which sounds like a last resort scenario. But still, holy shit!

The men of Buzzfeed Blue seem to share my sentiments. In the video below, four men learn about the third trimester of pregnancy. A key scene comes at 1:26; a pregnant woman and a doctor are listing all the sickening side effects of pregnancy (hemorrhoids, inability to sleep, pain from crushed organs) to these men, to which one asks, “What are some of the positives?” to which the only answer is “the baby.”

“It’s nice to know that your body want’s to destroy you,” one of them quips. Yeah. My thoughts exactly.

And yet, despite all of this, nearly all women will willingly go through the pregnancy process and most of them almost inconceivably will do it more than once. The logical conclusion to draw from this fact is that cheating death by getting pregnant and giving birth is, indeed, worth it. I suppose you suffer for a year and then reap many more years of benefits by having the child in your life, so in the end you do get a good return on your investment.

All women do it, so I guess some day I will do it too. But……. fuck.

I would love to hear thoughts from other women especially if you have been pregnant before.

Edit: wow just found this comic about pregnancy, birth etc that really covers it all: https://thenib.com/mom-body-51fde2bc01f

Binge!

First of all, let me say that my diet is going really well. I am not constantly hungry anymore. I eat all the same foods that I like, just in smaller portions. I am already halfway to my weight loss goal!

However, last night, I binged. Jacob and I went to Golden Corral, which for those of you who don’t know, is a huge buffet of mediocre foods. Of course, to a college kid, mediocre is like a feast fit for royalty.

I thought it would be fun to binge. I ate the way I used to eat at Golden Corral as a kid: two plates of food plus a dessert. I have never left Golden Corral feeling good, I was always overstuffed. Last night it was worse than I ever remember feeling!

I will admit that it was fun to eat pot roast, chicken, Mac and cheese, rice and beans, mashed potatoes, and all of that. It all tasted really good. However, feeling crappy afterwards greatly outweighed the fun of eating. Since I have started my diet I had not felt bloated or over-full. Last night I was so over full it hurt to move! Also, when I weighed myself this morning, I was four pounds heavier than the previous day!

All in all, I think this was a positive experience because now I know that the fun of binging is not worth the discomfort that follows. I’m not concerned with the resulting pounds I put on, I’m young and they will come off fast now that I’m back to the grindstone!

Today I have pretty much purged, insomuch as it is 1PM and I’ve only consumed coffee and water. Haha, I wonder how long it will take me to feel hungry after that feast last night! Probably only a few hours more 😛

What I have learned from keeping a food journal, week 1

This is day six of me keeping track of what I’ve eaten. The first four days I was just googling foods and writing down my best calorie guesses on a piece of paper, but last night I found a cool app from about.com called Calorie Count. It not only counts calories, but all other nutrients in your food so you can see if you are lacking in vitamins or going over your sodium, etc.

Let me just say, it is shocking how many calories are in things. I do not know what I ate before on a daily basis, but I’m sure now it was not that good. The good news is, the simple act of keeping track of my food intake has made it so much easier to motivate myself to keep the consumption to a reasonable level.

There are some foods that even though I knew they must be bad, I didn’t realize how bad they were until I started keeping track!

  • Cupcakes: obviously these are no good for you, but a bakery cupcake has almost 600 calories in one!
  • Chicken wings: like 100 calories/wing
  • Powdered donuts: six mini powdered donuts is something like 400 calories
  • Publix fudge brownies: 240 calories in just one of those motherfuckers!

I’m trying to keep my daily intake under 1400 calories. The cupcake day was NOT one of those days! Also, the app has revealed to me that I am stupidly low on all of my vitamins. I should start taking multivitamins every day!

Food journal

Ok SO. Since working out has not helped me improve my weight at all, I’m gonna have to go on a diet as well. This is not going to be easy. I know I eat a lot.

I looked on a couple websites to see how many calories a day I should be eating to have weight loss. One website was this funky calculator. It made me put in my weight loss goals. I have a number of pounds that I want to lose, but not really a time scale in which I want to do it. I said 20 lbs in six months, and the calculator said I should be eating 1400-1500 calories a day to achieve this.

Another website was an article describing how to figure out your target caloric intake based on your body weight. It says the number of calories you should theoretically eat to maintain your weight is your weight in pounds x14. For me this is 150×14=2,100. Then, the article says you should take of 15-35% of that number, depending on how fast you want to lose weight. The article used 30% in its example, so I did too. That put me at 1,470 calories a day.

Ok, now I’ve got my goal… And it seems intimidating. I will keep a food journal to see how this works out.

Today I wrote down everything I have eaten and it came out to 1,257 calories. Ok so WHY AM I FAT? Well probably because on average I eat more than that. Ugh. This sucks. I KNOW I can be 130 lbs. I was there! How did I ever do it? Oh that’s right, depression. Well, I must find a way to lose the weight in a healthy manner this time.

First weigh-in, utter disappointment. I am fat.

Well, I’ve been going to the gym for six weeks now. Originally I thought it was going to be three or four, even five times a week, but with my retarded school schedule it’s really been only one or two. Whatever.

The results are disappointing. I look the same. You can compare to my first post here.

 

As for my weight, I now am back to my highest weight ever, same as I was about four years ago. It’s 152 lbs, which is 69 kilos or just under 11 stone (10 st 12 lb).

Am I disappointed? Yes. Will I stop working out? No. Will I start counting calories? Obviously I ought to, because I must be eating way too fucking much!

Ugh.

New Healthy Chapter?

I know this is going to sound like the same old song and dance, but bear with me… I think I really truly am going to introduce exercise into my daily life.

Since last week I’ve gone to four group exercise classes (Zumba and other cardio things) and I really like it! Of course I’m the most out of shape person in the room and I have to stop to huff and puff a lot, but that’s why I’m going isn’t it!

I am very unhappy with my body right now. The last time I tried to exercise, I started gaining weight, gave up and said fuck it, and just started eating junk. Now I am even bigger. This cannot go on.

Here are some things that I am going to do that I think will help me succeed:

  • Schedule exercise time in to my week and stick to it.
  • Go to as many group exercise sessions as I can, I really love having a teacher and this is the next best thing to having a personal trainer. I find that I learn best in classroom settings and thought I could apply this to workouts, so far it is going great!
  • Try to eat more healthily
  • Drink (more) water? idk I already drink a lot of water since I am a singer, but I could probably squeeze some more in!
  • Take progress photos every few weeks.

Here are some things I am NOT going to do:

  • Weigh myself. Last time I tried to get in a healthy routine (May/June) I weighed myself obsessively, and when I saw the scale going up instead of down, I panicked. I think now that my weight was going up because I was probably eating even worse because I felt like I could afford the extra calories? It could have been muscle, IDK.
  • Judge myself physically. Although I’m not happy with my body shape, I should stop being preoccupied about the fact that I am the fattest one in the group exercise class. If I am there working out and I am eating well, this should improve.
  • Set my expectations too high. In May I kind of wanted immediate results, even though I know that is impossible. These unrealistic expectations led to my downfall.
  • Always eat food (especially junk food) when Jacob is eating. We are on completely different schedules. Sometimes when I pick Jacob up from work (around 10 PM) he wants to eat because he did not get to eat at work. Usually I have already eaten dinner at a normal hour. It is completely reasonable for him to want to eat at this time, but usually I just join along and eat too. Absurd! If I have already had dinner I should not eat again! Usually it is not very healthy food anyway! I need to get out of the mentality of poor college kid, eat everything you can. I need to get out of that mindset NOW and set better habits for myself in the future.
  • Along that same vein, I should not eat when I am not hungry just because I feel like it’s dinner time and I ought to. Today I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, an apple for dinner, and there happened to be cake at church choir so I had a small slice. When I got home I immediately started making dinner because I thought the apple wasn’t enough. Two weeks ago I would have eaten that pasta anyway. But tonight in the middle of cooking it I realized… I’m not really hungry. Which is a good thing, because it is 9 PM! I can put that pasta in the refrigerator and eat it tomorrow for lunch. This is a completely new concept for me.
  • Take progress photos every day or two. This is TOO frequent. I will not see any changes in two days or maybe even two weeks. I will probably wait four to six weeks to take progress photos and even longer if I cannot see changes. Taking photos too frequently will be discouraging.
  • Eat late at night. I hear this is bad for your metabolism or something
  • Drink soda……. ok maybe every once in a while.

Let me clarify that I’m not doing this specifically to lose weight. I just want my clothes to fit again! Also, I want to be healthy. If I change my lifestyle this way and I stay the same size, so be it. It will be worth it to know that I am now practicing healthy habits.

So, here is what I am at now: I weigh about 10 1/2 stone, or 66.7 kilos, or 147 lbs. This is definitely the HIGH of my weight range. I have not weighed this much in two years. my lowest, if you are curious, was about 9 stone 4, 60 kilos, or 130 lbs about 13 months ago. Honestly, I’d be thrilled if I got back to that… but it is not necessary.

Here is what I looked like then:

And here is what I look like now:

Image

Absolutely disgusting, isn’t it?

Well…. wish me luck!