Food journal

Ok SO. Since working out has not helped me improve my weight at all, I’m gonna have to go on a diet as well. This is not going to be easy. I know I eat a lot.

I looked on a couple websites to see how many calories a day I should be eating to have weight loss. One website was this funky calculator. It made me put in my weight loss goals. I have a number of pounds that I want to lose, but not really a time scale in which I want to do it. I said 20 lbs in six months, and the calculator said I should be eating 1400-1500 calories a day to achieve this.

Another website was an article describing how to figure out your target caloric intake based on your body weight. It says the number of calories you should theoretically eat to maintain your weight is your weight in pounds x14. For me this is 150×14=2,100. Then, the article says you should take of 15-35% of that number, depending on how fast you want to lose weight. The article used 30% in its example, so I did too. That put me at 1,470 calories a day.

Ok, now I’ve got my goal… And it seems intimidating. I will keep a food journal to see how this works out.

Today I wrote down everything I have eaten and it came out to 1,257 calories. Ok so WHY AM I FAT? Well probably because on average I eat more than that. Ugh. This sucks. I KNOW I can be 130 lbs. I was there! How did I ever do it? Oh that’s right, depression. Well, I must find a way to lose the weight in a healthy manner this time.

First weigh-in, utter disappointment. I am fat.

Well, I’ve been going to the gym for six weeks now. Originally I thought it was going to be three or four, even five times a week, but with my retarded school schedule it’s really been only one or two. Whatever.

The results are disappointing. I look the same. You can compare to my first post here.

 

As for my weight, I now am back to my highest weight ever, same as I was about four years ago. It’s 152 lbs, which is 69 kilos or just under 11 stone (10 st 12 lb).

Am I disappointed? Yes. Will I stop working out? No. Will I start counting calories? Obviously I ought to, because I must be eating way too fucking much!

Ugh.

Progress

Ok so I know it has only been two or three weeks since I started exercising and attempting to eat better, but I already feel like I can see small changes! I am still sticking by my promise to NOT weigh or photograph myself for at least a month. I will just have to be content with the changes that I think I am seeing ūüôā Of course they could all be in my mind, ¬†but regardless of if they are real or not I am grateful that I am imagining¬†good changes in my body rather than¬†bad ones as I am so used to seeing.

New Healthy Chapter?

I know this is going to sound like the same old song and dance, but bear with me… I think I really truly am going to introduce exercise into my daily life.

Since last week I’ve gone to four group exercise classes (Zumba and other cardio things) and I really like it! Of course I’m the most out of shape person in the room and I have to stop to huff and puff a lot, but that’s why I’m going isn’t it!

I am very unhappy with my body right now. The last time I tried to exercise, I started gaining weight, gave up and said fuck it, and just started eating junk. Now I am even bigger. This cannot go on.

Here are some things that I am going to do that I think will help me succeed:

  • Schedule exercise time in to my week and stick to it.
  • Go to as many group exercise sessions as I can, I really love having a teacher and this is the next best thing to having a personal trainer. I find that I learn best in classroom settings and thought I could apply this to workouts, so far it is going great!
  • Try to eat more healthily
  • Drink (more) water? idk I already drink a lot of water since I am a singer, but I could probably squeeze some more in!
  • Take progress photos every few weeks.

Here are some things I am NOT going to do:

  • Weigh myself. Last time I tried to get in a healthy routine (May/June) I weighed myself obsessively, and when I saw the scale going up instead of down, I panicked. I think now that my weight was going up because I was probably eating even worse because I felt like I could afford the extra calories? It could have been muscle, IDK.
  • Judge myself physically. Although I’m not happy with my body shape, I should stop being¬†preoccupied¬†about the fact that I am the fattest one in the group exercise class. If I am there working out and I am eating well, this should improve.
  • Set my expectations too high. In May I kind of wanted immediate results, even though I know that is impossible. These unrealistic expectations led to my downfall.
  • Always eat food (especially junk food) when Jacob is eating. We are on completely different schedules. Sometimes when I pick Jacob up from work (around 10 PM) he wants to eat because he did not get to eat at work. Usually I have already eaten dinner at a normal hour. It is completely reasonable for him to want to eat at this time, but usually I just join along and eat too. Absurd! If I have already had dinner I should not eat again! Usually it is not very healthy food anyway! I need to get out of the mentality of¬†poor college kid, eat everything you can. I need to get out of that mindset NOW and set better habits for myself in the future.
  • Along that same vein, I should not eat when I am not hungry just because I feel like it’s dinner time and I ought to. Today I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, an apple for dinner, and there happened to be cake at church choir so I had a small slice. When I got home I immediately started making dinner because I thought the apple wasn’t enough. Two weeks ago I would have eaten that pasta anyway. But tonight in the middle of cooking it I realized… I’m not really hungry. Which is a good thing, because it is 9 PM! I can put that pasta in the¬†refrigerator¬†and eat it tomorrow for lunch. This is a completely new concept for me.
  • Take progress photos every day or two. This is TOO frequent. I will not see any changes in two days or maybe even two weeks. I will probably wait four to six weeks to take progress photos and even longer if I cannot see changes. Taking photos too frequently will be discouraging.
  • Eat late at night. I hear this is bad for your metabolism or something
  • Drink soda……. ok maybe every once in a while.

Let me clarify that I’m not doing this specifically to lose weight. I just want my clothes to fit again! Also, I want to be healthy. If I change my lifestyle this way and I stay the same size, so be it. It will be worth it to know that I am now practicing healthy habits.

So, here is what I am at now: I weigh about 10 1/2 stone, or 66.7 kilos, or 147 lbs. This is definitely the HIGH of my weight range. I have not weighed this much in two years. my lowest, if you are curious, was about 9 stone 4, 60 kilos, or 130 lbs about 13 months ago. Honestly, I’d be thrilled if I got back to that… but it is not necessary.

Here is what I looked like then:

And here is what I look like now:

Image

Absolutely disgusting, isn’t it?

Well…. wish me luck!